Humor: You Too Can Be Middle Class

Humor: You Too Can Be Middle Class

How many of us think about winning the lottery someday? I don’t mean a small amount. But the biggie. Millions of dollars.

How many of us? All of us.

Because we think it would change our lives for the better. And because of that, all of us have daydreamed about what it would be like to be rich. What would we do with a huge amount of money?

I think the first thing I would do, to demonstrate to myself that I really was wealthy, would be to convert some of my winnings to $5.00 bills, fill a swimming pool with them, and dive in, naked.

Then I would begin the superb task of deciding what kinds of things I would do; the kinds of things I had always thought about but never could.

Houses, cars, vacations, gifts to relatives, charities. Essentially doing what each of us thinks about when we buy lottery tickets. That activity is a fun part of the lottery process since it allows us to live, albeit vicariously, the life of a wealthy person.

But have you ever thought about the obverse of this experience? While we get huge enjoyment from daydreaming about being rich, do the wealthy ever contemplate how they would approach poverty or low income status? Do they ever sit at dinner with their spouses and plan to purchase bus tokens or a solid second-hand car?

Probably not, because they would be new to the paycheck-to-paycheck way of life.

In keeping with our public service policy, a number of things will be suggested to assist these individuals’ transition into real life should middle-class befall them.

As noted above, travel by bus or a used car would become commonplace as would living in an upper, unfurnished apartment. Shopping might be done at Penney’s, not Lord and Taylor and purchases would be put on lay-away, not delivered to your home.

A comfortable retirement will be dependent on lottery winnings.

Waiting for sales at Costco and supermarkets will become a weekly event as will cutting coupons out of the local paper. Actually shopping at these establishments will be a whole new experience and a real treat.

Buying clothes off the rack and underwear at Sears may be novel.

Cutting one’s own lawn and shoveling the driveway certainly will be new, as will working a job below your skill level for a boss who attended the Attila the Hun School of Management.

Joining AAA because you know the car will break down at some point during the winter.

This eventuality, the descent into the average income class, will not occur to our wealthy brethren however, since little ill muddles their ordered lives. They are relatively safe from the trials of the middle class, and this is indeed fortunate since we have the advantage there.

We were born to a life which, while hopefully fulfilling, presents us with ordeals that build our character.

But while character is a good thing, I’d trade it for a Corvette sitting in my driveway.